She was feeling miserable. Every moment seemed like a decade passing. She badly wanted it to be Monday morning soon. Yes, wanting Monday to arrive as soon as possible for the first time. She was tired without doing a work. She was tired of her thoughts. Scrolling through Fb posts, somewhere a status read “It’s never to late to begin.” Her thumb paused for a second or two. Yeah, quite true. She was about to react (<3) to the status. But. Paused. “I like countless such statuses every day and maybe save some too. But what do I really do with them? Why don’t you take a lesson and start once again afresh Titir? Why not?” she scolded herself. No, she is very bad at expressing her emotions. So, if someone crossed by her this moment, they obiously saw her sitting on the chair with the laptop on the table, And headphones plugged in her ears as her eyes emotionlessly looked at the bright screen. But she was scolding herself indeed. Every time she scolded herself, the results hardly lasted long. Soon she went with the flow of her surrounding. But this time she wasn’t willing to let go of herself. She closed Facebook and opened the WPS Writer. She apparently had nothing in her mind to write down. But again a lot of things to say. This was the first time she tried to write on the laptop because she had always thought there is nothing better than a pen and paper. Change was all she wanted. Surely, she had changed a lot. But that wasn’t enough. She wanted to be stronger. She wanted to love only herself. NO. STOP. Too stereotypical thoughts right? She felt the same. Comeon, tell them a new story, Titir. Tell them a different story. Sadly, she wasn’t as creative as you might have assumed by now. She was a hopeless romantic. A stubborn soul with a rebel mind. “How does it feel to be all by yourself?” ~ Yeah, the caption she could think of. “It feels nothing at all. It feels to be dead at times and then sometimes it is the best emotion you can ever experience. People who love noise and crowd may not relate. But they always mistake quiet people like me with self-obsessed and arrogant ones. Quiet I am, inactive I am but only physically, mentally I can run thousand more miles than you do even in a year. I hate chatting all day long , I hate loud gossips, but that doesn’t mean I hate being around people. While you, the talkative chatterbox, maybe busy gossiping away and sending silly watsapp messages all day long, I love, love and love too hard, too long. Believe me, I can love you too hard, but that’s not what you want right? So, don’t worry, dear. Leave me alone again. Leave me everytime I try to show how much I love you . Say that I irritate you when all I want to do is just care and support you. Cause boy, you don’t need me like that. You need me only for your free time. You want “I love you baby” texts randomly. You want endless kisses and then within months you want to land with me under the sheets. So, leave me. I am not “your type” right? Nice excuse, dear. Leave me alone. I will still love you from a distance. I will love you with equal intensity. You won’t even know. And that’s okay. Maybe that’s how I am happy , you are happy and life continues.” “Titir, you are just typing gibberish. You know what, no one is interested to know your sad story. How could you even think of producing a masterpiece with one ear curiously gulping the gossip that is going on among your friends sitting beside you?” No, Titir. This maybe bad, this maybe rubbish. But let me write. You don’t know how peaceful I am feeling. This writeup isn’t going anywhere. Let it end so.
