Love & Logic

You have to romanticize your life.

The small moments. When you smelled the rain on the grounds, when you had that first sip of tea, when the sunlight touched your skin making it warm and loved. When your parents shared a funny anecdote. When you slept in late.

The big moments. When your phone beeped saying the salary has been credited. When you realized for the first-time what job really makes you happy. When you had a date night that didn’t work out, or maybe did. When your sister had a baby.

You have to romanticize your life. The big, small and also the moments in between.

And who knows? Maybe the moment that is big for me, is small for you. What seems happy to me might be depressing to you.

I don’t know how these moments made you feel. But you do, right? So live them fully.

Acknowledge them. Whatever sucks, and what brings a smile. It’s all out tgere for you to grasp and conquer. Don’t let time pass away. Cherish them no matter what they brought to your life. Romanticize your life like a good novel, bittersweet yet worthy of reading, and hold it close. Document it however the hell you want. Become the chaos, ignoring the background noises of onlookers.

 Breathe it all in and open your arms to all opportunities. Take the risks, please take the risks. It’s all worth it. Even if it shattered hearts and bonds, it is worth it.

You are worth ALL OF IT.

Yet another attempt.

Love & Logic

I know. I know before you even speak a word.

This is exactly how I keep feeling as well.

Incomplete. Unworthy. Insufficient. Wannabe.

The waves of sorrow and self-loathing are so huge, they wash away the Jenga blocks of self-confidence I built all this time. It took just a minute.

Comparing myself constantly. The dizzying loop of admiring them and looking down upon your own self.

I have tried explaining it to you nicely, not so nicely and even violently (accompanied with a lot of rage and disgust).

None seems enough. I feel like giving up. But again, as I look at you, a sense of pity looms over and I hope you’ll look at yourself the way I see you.

Complete. So worthy. Bright. Priceless. Unique.

How much is too much?


Yes, a lot of us are probably privileged enough to romanticize every moment of our life. But that doesn’t mean, your feet leave the ground too high to ever touch down.

While I understand we should try to be optimistic, look on the brighter side of things, it does not give us permission to exploit the advantages our privilege offers.

Acknowledge the reality of the pandemic that India is facing currently.You are maybe privileged enough to-

  1. Work from home
  2. Stay with your family
  3. Not be affected by the economic crisis
  4. Not be affected by curfew/lockdown

Take advantage of your privilege, but in a different way. Instead of roaming around still, and ordering unnecessary stuff online, or complaining about being trapped at home, and being oblivious to the crisis around; accept the situation and talk about it too.

Try to reach out with help in any way you can, be it monetary or not. Post on social media but not about fancy vacations or how sad your dog is from being at home all day. Post about uplifting stuff, or anything that can help the combined crisis.

I am not asking you to stop romanticizing your life, but maybe once in a while take in reality too. Yes, do post about your favourite makeup/dress/love of your life/curated life/reviews of shows and books, but don’t forget we are living in a pandemic.

While it is okay to shift our focus from horrific news, it is also our duty to be human enough to acknowledge that there are other human beings going through irreversible damage and suffering.

Because, maybe not today. But tomorrow, God forbid, your loved one may be affected too. And for all I know, no amount of money or influence can let you take advantage in the current situation.

Gratitude and blessings of someone else, however always causes miracles.

Note: Hello to all the new people who have joined me. I am really grateful that you and everyone else chose to stick around even though this blog has been inactive for some time. Thanks for offering me the safety of anonymity to explore my thoughts here.

Words without meanings

Love & Logic

Have you ever wished the long journeys you took derailed itself of the mundaneness, so that you could breathe differently?

Did you ever hope for a catastrophe to hit the town, so that your mind would have an alternative thought to choose from?

Have you ever wanted from the bottom of the heart to just be free of the thought clouds running behind you, chasing you, giving you free and sudden gasps?

“What is a life without adventure and adrenaline?” they say. Oh, but what is a life full of untimely tears and congested chests?

Twirl and twirl the alphabets move, in and out of the blurred tunnels of sight, you wonder if the reality is the Ship of Theseus.

Wonderless moments take you by an arm, on a merry ride to the steep falls and curves of tragedy, and you aren’t sure if this is exactly the type of vacation you had dreamt of.  But you take it anyway, hopelessly trying to keep up with ‘normal’.

Unless I had seen this sort of normal too, I could have never rescued you.

5 simple ways to reduce your anxiety

Lifestyle Elevation, Mindset

Let’s admit it we all go through anxious phases, and the current scenario has probably coaxed even the most carefree people down the spiraling lanes of anxiety.

Still, every moment we have a choice to not let those nightmares win, simply by being more cautious.

  1. Get moving. Because there is nothing better than simply asking our mind to shut up by giving it actual work to do. Be it walking, running, heavy exercise or just any random chore, make your body and mind work.
  2. Letting out all the bubbles inside you by sharing with someone, writing it down, or even recording it on your phone. Venting really helps. But remember not to pour it onto any other person.
  3. Sit still. Contradictory to my first point, but well at times you need to sit still and let your mind do the spiraling. Observe it being a lunatic. Don’t try to resist. At one point, it will get tired and decide to give up. You can then have a conversation with yourself as to asking a lot of introspective questions. Some of the answers will surprise you and get you clarity.
  4. Surround yourself with nature. It is the best healer, apart from time and patience. Have plants around you, in your home, go and sit at a park, touch and feel the beautiful greens and watch them magically lift your mood. They will remind you that your thoughts are so miniscule in comparison to the big old universe.
  5. Get in touch with your creative self. No, it does not have to be painting or writing only. Simply mapping out your life plan can be creative, sending a heartfelt message to a friend you haven’t talked to in a while can be creative, shuffling your furniture around the room, planning your outfits for the week, or helping in the kitchen can all be creative outlets. Do any damn thing that you enjoyed as a child, or try your hand at something for the first time and totally screw it up.

I am enough!

Love & Logic

I have realized that existence can be silent,

Yet so loud.

My existence shouts out things that I am

Afraid to tell

When you ask me who am I?

But you see

My existence points it out

Paints in on the outlines of my shadows

And brings it to the light of the day

Obscure lines I wasn’t prepared to admit

All too shiny

So shiny

That my eyes squint.

I realise I need to own my own

  • Shadows
  • Existence
  • Self

I need to stop squinting at the

Brightest painting of myself

I need to stop filtering my

Bright colours into the

Blacks and whites

Only then will you

See through me

Acceptance from you is a whole different topic.

Shall we discuss it later?


Love & Logic

How foolish I have been to try to wake you up

Amidst the thunders of things breaking you had slept

Slept until it was too late to witness the sunrise and sunset from our balconies,

Wrapped in each other, sheltered by the warm blanket that witnessed much of our naked bodies intertwined.

A sight that was never coming back. not at least when we were wildly drunk in the reality of the moment, till even the strongest rum couldn’t work wonders.

You knew I felt it in my heart all along and I know you knew so, but we twirled and twirled in the dark shadows of lies we wound for each other… and gradually what we knew as lie started seeming true.

But it only looked so.

The stark nakedness of the truth was just behind the curtains of the corner, hiding and standing alone in the distance, waiting for the distance to bow down to it. And it came. Not just in linear swift flowing streams like you would imagine.

Not as drops or showers on the thirsty grounds.

It came in growling thunders and storms, and washed away half of the pictures we had drawn for so long on the sand, in just one go, and opened up small crevices where the sand and the water started seeping through, taking those pictures obediently with them.

It gave out a smell so loud, had you been aware enough, you would have known. I didn’t mean to point it out and ruin your calm sleepy mode.

Neither did I imagine it, just a lanky figure without any beauty at all, would become such a beast at the slightest touch.

The air that night tasted bitter. Burnt. Like it had about eight years back.

When I had demanded the same things from myself. When I had shaken myself vigorously to make sure I cry. Because it was supposed to be sad.

A sad moment. Beginning of a sad lifetime.

I demanded the same again that night. And all the passing nights thereafter.

Only difference being this time I knew I was too burnt to cry.

Augustus wrote a letter.

Love & Logic

Augustus wrote a letter to Jamie.

A piece of heart folded like a paper, shaped nicely in an envelope.

Letters in a letter.

Bunch of words, grammar, culture, emotions and thoughts—jumbled upon, reshuffled thrice or maybe more times to make sense of the logic, to look like he is making any sense, adding to the logic, pretending to have logic in the first place.

Because, unlike the formal letters he had practiced in school, and some he had sent in the early years of job hunt; these letters aren’t supposed to fit in a template.

Shouldn’t we be having templates for all kinds of informal letters too?

Love letter templates.

Hate letter templates.

Good/Bad news letter templates.

I miss you letter templates.

But we don’t yet. So, the bunch of all those things rumble and crumble under the strict eyes of logic, posing multiple ways to impress any random eyes that might catch hold of the letter, who wouldn’t think it is creepy.

A piece of heart. A ‘Jamie-shaped’ piece of Augustus’ heart!

But this meant sending that Jamie-shaped piece to Jamie. Is that allowed? Are you allowed to love someone so much that you return the parts of them that you have been carrying ever so diligently, careful not to break; return it to their original owner?